My, how I’ve missed you all!

Sorry It’s been awhile since the last post..

I’ve had a lot going on within the past few months. I just wanted to stop in, and I’m warning you this post could get slightly whiny, but you should read anyways because you love me:)

I’m so tired of seeing couples everywhere. I don’t mean to sound conceited but I feel like everyone is in a relationship; and I’m not seeing why I can’t meet a guy who notices my beauty. I don’t mean outward appearances, I mean inner beauty. My personality. It’s frustrating. And I won’t lie, I am completely jealous of everyone in a wonderful relationship. I envy it. I’d like to wake up in a good mood, just because I know I’ll get to see him. I’d like to fall asleep to his voice after a phone call that lasted a million hours. I’d like to be reminded that I’m always on someone’s mind and that I’m cared about. I’d like to be liked.

Well, that’s all for now. But, you’ve got to admit I’ve got a point here. Haha..

Goddamn it! I know. You don’t know that I do either. You just go on writing these poems that stab my heart like daggers with every elegant syllable, attempting to tell me without uttering the very words I dredfully await. Just stop. I’m guilty enough for not harboring the same feelings without the constant reminder of my supposed stupidity. You’re the safe choice, the nice guy. The one staring me straight in the face saying, “Pick me! Pick me!” But I can’t. I’d be a liar. I’d be a fake. And as much as it’ll hurt you knowing that things hadn’t gone the way you’d hoped and prayed, it’d hurt you more for me to go along with it; only to find out that my feelings weren’t genuine, but forced. I’m so terribly sorry. Terribly, terribly sorry.

“She’s a picture on a screen,
With a name on a list.
Could I possibly say 
She’s a source of bliss?

Never heard her voice,
Never seen her face,
Yet I know her heart,
And feel her grace.

I know what’s right
And what is real,
And I know to lock
My heart in steel.

But I can’t explain her 
Alluring curiosity,
Her ferocious animostiy,
Nor the impossiblity
To clarify the
Sheer individuality that
Flows from the wonder
Of a girl that her spirit
Embodies.

A rebel with restraint,
She is a brilliant, passionate light
In a world of dead, dull white.
She does not fear to dare
And of consequence she is aware,
Yet pays no mind making her
A gem, awing and rare.

How do you describe her
Other than one of a kind?
The one that always
Seems to plague my mind.

Her superiority is an easy bet,
For to doubt her passion is cause to fret,
SHE IS ELLEN, and I’ll not soon forget.”

My friend Matt wrote this for me because today was my sixteenth birthday:) In my opinion it was the best gift I received. I’ve come to the conclusion that chivalry is definitely not dead, some of these boys know how to prove themselves. Haha.

I’m dedicating this post to one of my favorite people in this world, Dylan. First off, I would just like to say you are a phenomenal person. Phenomenal. I wouldn’t trade you for the world. I truly have no clue what life would be like if I’d never met you. You’ve shown me what a friend is, what considerate means, what love is. You are one of the few people that know how to handle my bad moods, you don’t ask, but you tell. You tell me what a wonderful person I am, and how no matter what you’ll always be around to listen. You lift me up, take pride in my accomplishments and praise me for them. You always encourage me to do what makes me happy, and follow my heart. You know just what to say and when to say it. And best of all, you take my mind off all the bad things subconsciously. It’s next to impossible not to laugh at anything you say, and I adore that about you. I don’t even notice it, but after talking with you for five minutes sorrow has left my mind, and a smile takes its place. You treat me like I’m the most important person in your life, and it’s always a priority for you to remind me that you love and care about me deeply. I couldn’t imagine knowing a more wonderful person. I wish I could somehow tell the world how beautiful you are. All I’ve got left to say is that, I love you. 

Bon Iver - Flume

It’s truly ridiculous how ironic this all is. It’s the same damn thing all over again. And over again, and over again. The worst part is, you still don’t get it. What a shame.

Silversun Pickups - Growing Old Is Getting Old

Haha. Thank you very much:)

And whether or not you realize it, you did have words to comfort me. I appreciate that you cared. It means a lot. I hate to seem like a drama queen, but I needed to let it out somewhere. I figured my blog would be adequate for the job. And believe it or not, that website actually made me feel a bit better!

P.S. I also want to thank you for following.